i'm messy in my head and tidy in my life.

i always like to find my slippers in the same place when i wake up. i like to keep my coffee cup and pens organized on my desk. i like to the scattered clothes to find their place in the wardrobe. yes, everything should be in its proper place. but i can't apply it to my thoughts. there are too many heart palpitations in the world for places to see, events to experience. however there is no guarantee of our tomorrow. that's why i can't draw a limit to my thoughts and feelings. i can't shape them and i can't put them in certain patterns. because doing so means holding them captive. i let them stay disheveled.

reciprocate movement.

we can't get anywhere without effort. and sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we don't get what we expect. this is an unwanted scenario. because of a direct correlation, the reward of effort is expected. that's how the rules work in nature, too. for a flower to show you all its splendor, it expects you to show it your interest and love, give it water and feed it with the sun. of course it shouldn't be late for all this. after killing a flower, giving it liters of water will not bring it back to life. of course, it takes effort to be worthy of love, too. the mutual effort put forth then finds its value. when the sun goes down, whoever you dream of watching that orange sunset with, you need to be a little brave and clearly show what you want.

to give direction to value judgments.

in this life, everyone has their own truths that they believe in. with the existence of these realities, we wake up every new day to realize our own goals and dreams. and then there are the value judgments of the society we live in. but we don't prefer to talk about the reality of those who determine these judgments. what determines them ideally? or how integrative is it to force each individual in society into the situation specified as an "ideal" without knowing the conditions in which he/she lives, the truths he/she believes, and the destination he/she wants to reach? what is the need for a person to get a label just because of behavior contrary to the stated value? our main focus is actually obvious. the only thing we all want is a peaceful society.

"In an ideal world, there should be no limits on who we might love. Many of us live in a less than ideal world."

being alone among the crowds.

have there ever been moments when you were afraid to tell even the closest one? have you ever had moments when you thought they wouldn't understand you and gave up? my problems that I had to deal with were growing like a mountain. it was one, it is two, even three now, it was branching out more and more. i can't distinguish which one is real in my life or, at best, closest to the truth. I really need even the closest possibility to reality right now. need a truth that will really do me good with no doubt accurate feelings, rather than being upset for the excitement of possibilities. there is a seesaw, and only one person can sit opposite you. you can decide who will take you to the sky. but don't forget that with a single movement of that person, there is a possibility that you will also crash to the ground. you can achieve this balance only with harmony between you. so, how easy is it to decide who you want to sit there with now?

"The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of... We know the truth not only by the reason but by the heart."

sense of belonging.

how many people can one person love? how many people can belong to one heart? is it easy to describe exactly what you are feeling? is this a whim or a true love? and where does falling in love stand in this story? you can run away from everyone and everything, maybe one day, but it's challenging for you not to be able to run away from yourself. when i want not to be unfair to anyone, i blame myself, "my heart". what i am feeling right now is longing for my old thrills or some heartbeat that i never had in my time. how fair is it to blame them because those things that make me feel good are coming into my life right now? sometimes i think, is he there because he's supposed to be the person who's been in my life all these years, or is he there because i still care about him in my life? at these moments, i parallel myself to a dried-up leaf. i lost my route. i am being blown in another direction with every wind that blows. where was i, where am i? in fact, the most important issue is where is my home? i'm so tired of being outside anymore. 

most of the time, i wanna watch the white wall.

a normal person's working hours are obvious but this does not apply to people who are overthinkers. when your body is on the go during the day, your mind continue to knock you out on the other side. you will show if you are strong enough to deal with its every single day. but are you ready to watch your emotions fight with your thoughts while you do this? most of the time this will not a fair race. because i know that my feelings will guide my thougths and even will manage. how can i interpret many thoughts that will refute it after two hours, when i have convinced myself by presenting various supporting elements to an argument in my brain? or how can i feel completely opposite things after a few hours when my feelings for someone are clear and certain? is it means that my thoughts are a struggle between each other? in that case, you are not the same as you were two hours ago. the balance has changed. how are you going to talk this problem to which friend you can't even explain it to yourself? nothing can be as normal as the reflection of this on you as an "overthinker" typical. you just have to try to learn to be able to control it. for yourself. for your mental health. 

about uncertainty.

i keep telling uncertainty. because there is nothing else powerful enough to devour a person. it always prompts to you think, it is almost like a captivity that your mind puts you through. will it make you happy to know or are your scenarios that you think are true or want to believe? do you want to hear facts that will hurt you or do you want to continue living in a giant dream world? what exactly do you need? staying on this debate with yourself will make you more tired, will wear you out and you will continue to wake up to a gray sky every day. how long can you continue to be optimistic for those who withhold you from sunny days? now, it is time to hit the road. remember that you can take the road not with convinced people, but with believers. be brave.